Words

I've never been good with them. It's always been a problem. I always seem to fumble around with them, and frankly, it really leaves me at a loss for them.

It's some sort of mental block or something, that I have never been able to clearly express myself with them. Be it verbally, or well, written or typed, I always seem to send the wrong message to the person on the receiving end. In verbal presentations, essays, or even day-to-day conversations, I always seem to struggle with them. Words, they just never seem to work out for me. Under pressure, I find myself having difficulty expressing myself, and I just start fumbling over words. Half-formed words just spill out, really, that is just plain embarrassing.

On the outside you see a big guy, but on the inside it has always been a little guy. Confidence is one thing that  I have always been lacking. But I'm sure many have been able to figure that out. I want to be a confident, strong-willed person. Believe me, I want to. But I just don't know how to. Try speaking out more? Well, sometimes I speak out at the wrong time, I try to be funny, but end up making a complete fool of myself Which is just so silly.

All along I have accepted the fact that well, I'm born different. With a lower jaw that juts out, I was born this way. But then again what I am really feeling, is that this jaw is like a curse. I know, God made me this way, I should accept it. But it just makes me feel different. All this while I was just comforting myself, thinking, "This is just how and who I am." While at the same time, on the inside, I'm thinking "Why can't I just be normal, like everyone else?" I must admit that this sounds quite shallow. I'm overly concerned with a superficial feature of myself which can be corrected through surgery. What about others, who have other hereditary conditions, which is irreversible, at least with current technology? What about their feelings? I have no right at all to complain. No right.

I don't know what led me to say/type out all these stuff. I've never really thought about all this feelings, that is,   after I watched that spiderman movie. Not that the movie prompted me to start thinking about all these things, buried deep within the inner recesses of my mind.

I just needed to vent, I guess.